i just had sex bonerless
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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