Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
