epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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