waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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