so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
