I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
