she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
