I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
