Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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