It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
