come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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