I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
