Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
