omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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