Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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