He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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