I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
