She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize