....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
