true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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