with your own penis?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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