he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
