Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
