Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
