Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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