I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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