Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
