my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
