Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
