The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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