i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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