I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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