we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
love makes seman taste better
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
