I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
