I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
