I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
