Got a toothbrush?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
