I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize