Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
