dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
