so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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