I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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