Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
