Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
