Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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