Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
