My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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