Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
