I wish they made helmets for livers.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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