Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
