In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How naked do you want me to be?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
