she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
