Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
