The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wear drunk well.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
