He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
