how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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