btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
