I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
