So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
