Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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