I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
