last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
