Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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