If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
