yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
