The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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