Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
